Kneel Before
by turbomagnus
Summary: Finally defeating Dib, Zim now finds himself faced with a far worse foe... space lawyers, and he's been infringing on someone's copyright...


Disclaimer: I own neither Invader Zim nor Superman, nor any situations or characters related to either. I use both for entertainment purposes without permission or intent to profit. Furthermore, I in no way based anything about Zim in this fanfic upon myself... honest...

Well, okay, maybe a little...

'Maybe a lot'? You dare doubt me? Fools! I'll destroy you all! Destroy!

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-o0O0o-

"Kneel Before..."  
By J.T. Magnus, 'Turbo'

-o0O0o-

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Zim, Invader of the Irken Empire, laughed as his Terran nemesis finally lay defeated at his feet, "Pathetic Dib-Human! Kneel before Zim!"

Dib panted, exhausted from his fight against the alien, but he managed to find the strength to spit back his defiance, "Never!"

"Such heroic nonsense, Dib-Human... all for naught!" Zim declared triumphantly, "For Zim has finally defeated the only being on mudball Earth standing between Zim and his conquest of said mudball for the greater glory of the Tallest and the Irken Empire! Now, kneel!"

"Eat... my... shorts..." Dib responded slowly, each second he kept Zim talking was another second for him to regain his own strength to renew the fight against the alien.

"Zim has no desire to devour your pantaloons, pitiful Dib," Zim laughed mockingly, "Merely to witness you kneeling in acceptance of your defeat as Zim begins the subjugation of your worthless race."

Leaning against a nearby wall, Gaz, older sister of Dib, yawned, "Not that I'm not enjoying watching the humiliation of my dillweed brother... but, what is this obsession you have with him kneeling, Zim?"

"Gaz!" Dib shouted, extending a shaking hand towards his older sibling, "Help me!"

"Shut up, Dib," Gaz snapped at him, "Grown-ups are talking."

Zim's eye twitched before he began explaining in an annoyed tone, "The Irken Empire is ruled by the Tallest. The taller an Irken is, the more powerful they are and the more they are respected. The Dib-Human's being made to kneel will make him shorter than Zim, proving once and for all that Zim is the greater. Is this really that hard for your underdeveloped Human brain to understand, Gaz-female?"

"Just checking," Gaz replied distractedly, "I thought it was something like that. I'd point out that he's laying on the ground, so he's already lower than you, but I don't care. Have fun, don't kill him too quickly."

"Gaz!" Dib cried out, betrayed, "I'm your brother! We're the only hope for Earth! You've got to help me!"

Gaz sighed, "You're right, you are my brother..."

Suddenly, she turned from a disinterested video-gaming goth into a flaming eyed, gnashing teethed figure of DOOM, "And _you shouldn't_ have touched my special cupcakes to begin with, Dib! Do you _know_ how hard it is to get those? They're only available two weeks out of the entire year and you _ate mine_. I shouldn't have helped Zim capture you, I should have killed you _myself!_ "

"Kneel before Zim, Dib-human!" Zim chortled with maniacal glee, "Kneel and Zim may see fit to spare your worthless human life to be Zim's amusement instead of permitting the Gaz to fulfill her desires to create a mangled corpse from your pathetic form!"

Gathering his strength, Dib managed to make his way up to his knees, "Never!"

Interlacing his fingers, Dib drew back his arms to swing them in a hammer blow to hopefully knock Zim down and give him enough time to restart the battle and turn it in his favor. Unfortunately, that chance never came as the moment Dib began to swing, a sudden flash of red light wiped him from existant leaving only scorch marks on the ground to mark the place where he had died.

Silent until now, GIR looked at his master in confusion and wondered, "Did Dib mean to turn himself into particulate matter?"

Two figures slowly lowered out of the sky to land where Dib had met his end, looking around before settling their gaze on Zim.

"I wanted to do that," Gaz fumed.

"Zim wished the Dib-human to suffer first, but Zim also desired to immolate the Dib-human after extracting all possible entertainment from him..." the Irken Invader huffed, "Who dares deprive Zim of his entertainment?"

"Yeah, but without all the melodrama," Gaz agreed, pointing at one of the figures, "Who are you?"

The indicated figure took a step forward before answering.

"I... am General Dru-Zod of the Kryptonian Army, and this," General Zod gestured to the man standing next to him, "is a far greater power than any other in the universe... this, Irken, Earthling, is the Legal Advisor to The Great House of Zod of Krypton."

Zim blinked and drowned at the Kryptonians, "The who to the what now?"

"My attorney," Zod simplified.

The 'Legal Advisor' adjusted the collar of his garments and took two steps forward, putting him a step ahead of his client, "Correct, and you, Mr. Invader Zim are hereby being served with a court order to cease and desist pending the outcome of a hearing regarding your infringement of a standing copyright; to wit, my client's trademarked statement of 'Kneel before Zod'."

Zim frowned and looked at Gaz.

The human female sighed, "They want you to stop telling people to kneel before you."

"Then why did they not simply _say_ that to begin with?" Zim asked.

"He's a lawyer," Gaz answered, "An alien lawyer, but still a lawyer - most of them think that if they ever say anything simply, they'll lose their license to practice law."

"You seem to know a great deal about these 'lawyers', Gaz-female..."

"Apparently, burning down a store full of princess costumes, stuffed unicorns and other pink and 'girly' things was a crime..." Gaz responded with a tone of long-suffering, adding with a snort, "It was it's own fault for opening right next door to my favorite store and ruining the atmosphere in the area."

"Indulge in memories later, Gaz-female," Zim snapped, "For now, tell Zim how to destroy this 'lawyer' being!"

"I'm afraid that won't be possible, Mr. Zim," the Legal Advisor raised and opened his briefcase to remove a piece of paper before closing it. The paper he extended towards Zim as he continued, "General Zod has my entire firm on retainer and if anything happens to me it will merely mean additional damages will be levied against you, up to and including the firm seeking criminal charges to be files."

"Gaz-female, translate," Zim demanded.

"Do I look like some kind of servant to you?" Gaz snarled, "Fine, last time I do this, though. Destroy him and they'll just make you and your Irken Empire have to pay more of whatever you use as money because of it... and they'll try to send you to jail."

"Oh," Zim blinked, "I knew that."

"Sure you did," Gaz snorted.

"Is a court order anything like a breakfast order?" GIR asked, "Does this mean I can have a muffin? Yay, muffin!"

With that as his battlecry, the malfunctioning robot lunged forward, swallowing the Legal Advisor's entire lower arm, including the document of the court's 'cease and desist' order.

Slowly, the Legal Advisor turned his head towards General Zod before informing him, "You realise, of course, General, that my dry-cleaning expenses from this 'unpleasantness' will be added to your bill."

Zim put his hands on his hips, "And what will happen if Zim refuses to comply with your Court Order, space lawyer?"

"Reparations will be demanded, including - but not limited to any properties you may possess, your... SIR unit," the Legal Advisor frowned at GIR who was still attached to his arm, "Monies and, failing to possess enough of the preceeding to make reparations, community service and possibly exile to the Phantom Zone."

"I see..." Zim answered thoughtfully before his eyes darted towards Zod, "That's bad, right?"

"The Phantom Zone is where Krypton sends those criminals without hope of rehabilitation, there to exist undying for eternity," Zod answered, "Simply; yes, that would be bad."

"Oh, well... GIR! Bring me the space lawyer's order so that I can read it," Zim demanded.

"Mis muh mufin," GIR's words were garbled by the arm in his mouth.

"I don't care about your stupid muffins, GIR," Zim snapped, "Bring me the order!"

"Mm'kay," GIR mumbled, pushing on the Legal Advisor's arm until he dropped off the end of it, landing on his posterior on the ground with the Court Order in his mouth and the Legal Advisor's sleeve - torn off when GIR had pushed himself away - dangling from same mouth limply.

While GIR rolled backwards until he came to a stop at Zim's feet, the Legal Advisor looked down at his garment - bought from one of the most expensive tailors in the galaxy, custom-made and fitted with a lifetime-of-the-universe guarantee - and narrowed his eyes before raising his gaze to the Irken Invader and speaking calmly, too calmly for it to be anything but forced, "We'll be seeing you at the Galactic Court, Mr. Zim... I suggest you bring a lunch, it's liable to be a long hearing."

With that said, the 'Legal Advisor to the Great House of Zod of Krypton' rose back into the air, followed by General Zod himself, before vanishing in a streak of blurred motion, leaving Zim alone with GIR, Gaz and the pile of ashes that had been Dib. Zim looked up from where he was trying to force GIR to hand over the court order and frowned.

"What did the space lawyer mean 'bring a lunch'?" Zim asked Gaz.

"Well," Gaz answered casually, "If it means the same thing for him as it does for lawyers here on Earth... You're screwed, green-boy."

"Oh," Zim blinked before asking another question, "Screwed is bad, right?"

"Vodka and orange juice!" GIR exclaimed as he continued to play 'keep away' with Zim and the court order, "Blue makes it more Sonic!"

"Stupid robot," Gaz groaned as Zim lunged at GIR and ended up with a mouthful of dirt, "That's a screw- _driver_..."

"Even without Dib, I'm _still_ surrounded by idiots," Gaz groaned as the Irken chased his 'dog'.


End file.
